never play flip cup with pint glasses
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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