i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
