I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
