I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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