Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
