I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
