Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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