Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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