my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
