I wish I could teleport
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
