i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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