I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
