So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize