She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
