i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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