I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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