didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
