I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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