You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
