one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize