He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
