i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
