The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
