just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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