I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
