yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
