Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
