i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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