I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize