If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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