the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
