And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
