I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
