In the future we'll all be gay
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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