New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
