Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
