I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
