yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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