yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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