Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
