I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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