He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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