we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
