How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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