puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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