there's paper in my vomit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
