i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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