Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
