South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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