dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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