On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
