i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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