It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
