Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
