He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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