then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
