We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He shit in the fireplace
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
