had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
