I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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