How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
