i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
