problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im part way to drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
