do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
