I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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