I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
