hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
