Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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