four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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